Deep Thoughts No Comments

We all have certain dates on the calendar that stick in our brain. I’d like to think most of those are happy dates like birthdays and anniversaries, but as we continue through life, we might find that some of those dates we’d prefer to forget.

The 10 year challenge has lost some steam over the last week or so, but it was going pretty strong all over social media before that. When I first noticed it, the instructions were to post your first Facebook profile picture alongside your most recent profile pic. I think some joked that it was to see how hard age had hit you. I found for most folks that time had been quite kind. No matter how we have aged physically, I could see how much LIFE had made us wiser, kinder, and taught us lessons we never imagined we would learn.

Beautiful heart. #love #youareloved #youarestrong #bebrave #inspirational #quotes #quotesbyjlynn #poetrybyjlynn #lifeinwhispers #inspirationalquotes

For me (and many others), some of those lessons began about 10 years ago.

That means some of us may be coming up on some rough “anniversaries” we may not intentionally try to recall or want to remember, yet our subconscious and our body holds its own remembrance.

In early January I realized I was feeling really worn down. Yes, I had a wicked respiratory infection, but something more was going on. My dreams were strange and I felt kind of foggy. I was also experiencing some pretty intense cramping.

And then I realized, it was 10 years ago that I had a miscarriage. That experience was the beginning of the end of my marriage. Pretty quickly I will be seeing some really sad dates come up on the calendar. I don’t intend to spend a lot of time dwelling on the intense sadness of 2009, but I think it’s acceptable to reflect, and even, to a certain extent, grieve the life that did not turn out the way my younger self intended.

Please don’t misunderstand. I am so happy! I love my job and my coworkers. My friends and family are still so amazing. God has been so so good to me.

Nevertheless, I will take the time to feel what I need to feel about all these dates coming up.

January 6th-I finally miscarried after weeks of knowing it was coming.

Mid-February-The man I was married to attempted suicide.

July 13th-Our marriage ended.

Those seem like 3 dates with 3 actions, but those who were with me, or who have experienced those things, know that a short sentence will never encapsulate all that really happened-the devastation was intense.

If you’re reading this, then you probably know me. You know I am generally happy and loving and kind. You know that I am SO INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL for my life. I often profess that those excruciating emotionally painful times were catalytic to who I am now: my faith, my deep relationships with friends and family, and my awareness of my own strength and resilience.

Hard times can put us on the path to something so much greater.

I know that’s not true for everyone. If you need me, I’m on your team.

Regardless of where you are in your journey, please know it’s ok to honor those tough times and feel what you felt. When I do that I remind myself that I don’t live there anymore (spiritually, physically, emotionally) so that I can mentally check myself back into the present….

And I continue….

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