Apparently I Make Life “Complex.” Revelations from Online Dating.

Online Dating No Comments

It happened quietly and with little (or NO) fanfare. Last Tuesday I re-entered the world of online dating.

The previous Sunday I attended a workshop at my church offered by author Gary Thomas. He did several workshops that weekend about parenting and marriage, but this workshop was about the Sacred Search. I was reluctant to sign up because I thought he would have nothing new to tell me, but I also felt as though this was something I had been asking my church to do for a while; “this” being providing some kind of ministry to single folks like me.

I am beyond grateful I went to the workshop. I learned so much and have a much better perspective on dating and marriage now. It’s hard to believe that one workshop would influence me so much, and I can only believe that God put Gary Thomas at our church for a reason. I know I am not the only one who appreciated his weekend of work.

Anyway, I don’t think I can technically talk too much about what he said, but you should buy the book. It’s great.

I'd say both of these books have been critical to my new attitude.

I’d say both of these books have been critical to my new attitude.

I took a lot away from the workshop, but something in particular influenced me to jump back in to online dating. Gary believes our generation (and the last several) has been tricked into believing the myth that there is just ONE person in the world with whom we’ll find true love.

Really? Out of 7 BILLION people?? Nah.

I’m with Gary on this. I think we have a lot more choice in who we marry. I certainly had a choice before, and I didn’t base that marriage on very many solid judgments or else I wouldn’t have done it.

Don’t get me wrong. I still don’t regret a lot of my journey, but I want to make very sure I don’t take that same path in the future.

So, I find myself willingly back on display.


First things first, my intent is not to wrap up my self-confidence in any attention (or lack of) from this site…and I’m only doing one.

Second, my focus is different. Before I was hesitant to gush about my love for Jesus because I was afraid it would give guys the wrong impression; that they may think I was a Bible-thumper who never had fun and took things too seriously. Now I know if me loving Jesus is something that scares them away, well, then they’re not someone who would be able to love me the way I want.

Lastly, I think I gotta lay off being too critical and even cruel to some of these guys in my posts on Facebook and this blog. I know it was funny to post some of the stupid stuff before, but I also think it was petty of me, and I often felt bad about it; especially when they hadn’t harmed me in any way and were just trying to flatter me or get my attention. That being said, I still intend to call out shameful or poor behavior while also being accountable for my own (hopefully there’s none of that).

Ok, so eight days of online dating: “What’s been going on,” you may ask…..

I’ve gotten a good amount of messages, but I can’t say I’ve replied to any. Again, my focus is different. I’m not just looking for attention. I’m paying a little bit more attention to some of those qualities I’ve always desired from my checklist, but had tossed out before so I wasn’t “limiting” myself. Turns out I’m ok with limiting myself if it’s my choice.

From experience, I can say that no matter how kindly and tactfully the “I’m not interested” message is composed, it doesn’t seem to burn any less, so my choice is not to respond.

Well, apparently that choice infuriated a certain user. Here’s the evidence:



Surely he means “cocky” right? I dunno. I supposed I could be cooky, too.

I could go into a litany of reasons why I didn’t reply, including that he uses the number “69” in his username (although he swears it is just because that’s his dad’s age), but I won’t.

Basically, my friends, if you know a single, quality guy, let a sister know.

If not, and you just want to tell me how I’m “too good” for online dating….then keep your opinion to yourself and say a prayer for me instead.

I asked Gary Thomas what his feelings were about online dating, and I liked his perspective. He said something to the effect of “I get it; online dating is rife with horror stories, but guess what…Dating PERIOD comes with a lot of horror stories.”

So, here’s to some horror stories, and maybe eventually I’ll get a good story to tell; in more ways than one.



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