This Reindeer Doesn’t Even WANT to Join in the Dating Games!

Deep Thoughts | Online Dating No Comments

This will be a rant. If you are single, this rant may help you or you may identify with it. If you are not single, you can read this and appreciate what you have. If you aren’t single, don’t appreciate what you have, then my best guidance is don’t “exist” in my general direction right now. If you wanna throw a “grass is greener” metaphor my way, don’t.

chris rockWelcome to a very rare experience called “Angry Lisa.” She doesn’t appear often, but here she is for tonight. I have no doubts by the time I hit the little orange “publish” button she will be gone, but for now, sit down, buckle up, and hold on tight.

Online dating. Nah. Just dating. So dumb.

Rewind to last week:
“Summer Lisa” arrived last week. School is out. Relaxing is in. I had a training the first two days of last week and was excited because I felt a real connection with a guy on OKCupid! I even told my coworker/friend, “I’m probably way more excited about this guy than I should be.”
I thought things were going so well and then, per the usual online dating routine, the guy practically vanished.

Was it me? Was it something I said? Something I didn’t say?

Oh well. Nothing gained. Nothing lost……

…until….

….Today….out of nowhere he sends a message.

He’s in White. I’m in Blue.

Screenshot_2013-06-03-17-31-57

Screenshot_2013-06-03-17-32-07Wait a second? Did you really just compliment me THEN tell me about your great date?????

WTF?

No, seriously, WTF?

I text my guy friend who has this insight for me (which I DO appreciate):
My friend says he can see what the guy is trying to do even though the guy is stupid to do it. I say “I haven’t a clue what he is trying to do” so I need some enlightenment.

My good friend says “Women desire men more when they are seen with or are involved with a woman…He’s trying to show you he is desirable and you should see him before this other relationship starts.”

Here’s the deal: I’m not the typical female. AND I think it is insulting to think women want what they can’t have. I am NOT that girl. I played that game before and it leads to nowhere but pain and regret. Not worth it.

michelle obamaSPEAK PLAINLY.

If a guy is interested in me that’s all he needs to say to me. If I am interested I will also let him know.

I am not average. I am not easy BUT I am also NOT difficult.

I’m not looking for short-term. I’m not looking for casual. I’m NOT looking to get my feelings involved just to be someone you want to hang out with at times.

I want my teammate. I want my “forever.” I want the father of any children I may get to have.

Flirt with me. Let me flirt with you. Reciprocal sincerity and mutual attraction are incredible.

No game necessary.

Here is how I have left that conversation:

*facepalm*
Screenshot_2013-06-03-18-57-26

This will be a rant. If you are single, this rant may help you or you may identify with it. If you are not single, you can read this and appreciate what you have. If you aren’t single, don’t appreciate what you have, then my best guidance is don’t “exist” in my general direction right […]

Wonder Nuggets

Online Dating No Comments

Within the last couple of months I have tried to use more discretion as it concerned online dating. I could feel myself becoming overly concerned with the imagined thoughts of guys I had never met, and would never meet. An overwhelming sense of self-doubt was taking its toll on me and I knew I needed to take a step back, so I did.

sleep aroundI cut back the amount of time I was spending browsing profiles and sometimes even ignored the notifications saying I had a new message. Taking that time to really shut down some of those counterproductive thoughts helped me regain some perspective. That has been such a relief.

Here’s the thing, though: I can’t let go of the thought that JUST MAYBE something could come of having memberships on some of these sites, so I haven’t shut them all down. I shut one down, and when I had submitted all my feedback for another site, they offered me a 50% discount. I’m a sucker for a deal. They have me for 6 more months.

So, without further ado, here are some nuggets of wonder (wonder nuggets?) from the last 4-8 weeks.

Numero Uno:

“would you be interested in a friends with benefits relationship? Im mature, discreet and respectful. I’ve dated an older woman before. I’m only interested in older women.”

This message was perplexing. You see, as my 31 year-old male friends pointed out to me, they’d love to have a 21 year-old female asking to sleep with them. If you look at it that way then this message is clearly a compliment. Yay me! I’m totally hot!
A totally hot OLDER woman. WTF, dude? And you ask me about being FWB but mention “dating.” So, which one are you actually asking about? Apparently you aren’t mature enough to know these are two separate ideas…Also, you left out a capital letter and an apostrophe….so NO.

Numero Dos:

There’s a guy who’s sent me several messages over the last few months. His profile doesn’t have a lot of information and it’s mostly in “text speak,” and that’s kind of a turn off for me. On the other hand, from his one picture I can tell he has lots of tattoos, and that intrigues me, so I am guilty of responding to one or two messages. He works at a restaurant called Farmhouse.

Here are some of them (they come individually in rapid succession):
Um, apparently I deleted the first batch. He told me I was cute/beautiful and I thanked him and told him he was sweet. That was all.

So, from March 15th we have these three messages:
“hey what up come to the farmhouse hottie?”
“wanna hang?”
“u wanna hang out?”
I didn’t respond to any of those.

Now the messages from March 31st:

“hey what up?”
“what u]p g?”
“so beautiful”
“wurd your so cute”
“see ur my top visitor come let me cook for you?”
(Ok, not sure AT ALL how I became a top visitor because I have only looked at his site twice…he  must really be KILLING it with all the other ladies)
I actually responded and asked “Ha! You know I’m attractive in pictures and you already wanna cook for me? That’s so intimate… ”
His reply:
“yup would love to ccok for you”

So I asked what he could cook for me (even though I wanted to ask what he would “ccok” for me).

equipmentAlso, I feel I should mention that he replied to one of the site’s questions saying he would not date someone who was even slightly overweight. I have full body pictures on there, so I don’t know if he was just enamored with my eyes in my main pic….or my boobs…both are pretty mesmerizing.

Anyway, he never answered and no longer has an account. Cool. Whatevs.

Numero Tres:
I perused this fellow’s site and among other witty tidbits about himself he included that he was polyamorous and if you didn’t know what that meant you could ask him. Well, I do know what it means and it’s not for me, so I clicked away.
He sent me this:
“Awe. You should’ve messaged me!”Was that supposed to get me to say something back to him? I won’t bother including the multiple other grammatical errors from his profile. He seemed like a nice guy.

Numero…uh…four…..:
This is just a conglomeration of messages for your amusement.

“I seen you liked a photo but didnt say anything, how come?”
It hurts my brain a little to read that, sir (NO! I didn’t actually respond).

“Hello I’m brad lets chat 816-XXX-9957”
No reply to this either. Don’t include your number in your first message to me. It’s too forward. Also, you forgot to capitalize your own name. -10.

“Is there a rulebook that says that all women’s profiles must have, ‘i love my family and friends…’? It would be funny to see the one that says, ‘I hate my family and friends. They’re all liars. Please take me away from these horrible people.’ So there’s my sense of humor, for you.”
Oh…that was funny?…that part where you made fun of me…got it.
Newsflash: Women don’t spend a LOT of time reading other women’s profiles. In fact, I’ve only ever read one other female’s profile, and that was because she checked me out.

*On a side not I do have some chicks check me out every once in a while. It’s good to know my appeal is universal.*
Really, there is only one logical conclusion: See below…
date myself
🙂

Within the last couple of months I have tried to use more discretion as it concerned online dating. I could feel myself becoming overly concerned with the imagined thoughts of guys I had never met, and would never meet. An overwhelming sense of self-doubt was taking its toll on me and I knew I needed […]

There’s No Such Thing as Heart-Fluttering Safety…

Online Dating No Comments

After spending several years feeling like the self-proclaimed expert and heartiest advocate for online dating, today I realized I’m just really over it.

Super.
Duper.
Over it.

somewhereIt’s barely even amusing anymore. I know that makes for really boring reading for all of you, and I do apologize for that. I just don’t feel I can continue to sacrifice my sanity and self-esteem for the rapidly decreasing amusement provided.

I’ve determined I’m much wittier and prettier online, yet so much more magnetic in person. Maybe I’m wrong. I often think I’m annoying in person, but I have a great laugh and smile that calls to the hearts of the man-folk…and boobs. Those are there, too.

I get plenty of messages from guys I am almost NEVER interested in. So many guys proclaim a girl should send the first message just to do something outside the typical online routine. I initiate contact often. Those guys rarely respond to my mold-shattering initiative.

What is the real problem here?

Am I too picky? Are the guys I’m interested in too picky?

I think that contributes a little bit, but here’s what I really think is the missing ingredient:
The inability to engage a majority of our senses.

modestyThere’s so much to be said for actual, up-close, in-person chemistry. Although I am pretty sure I am a cool chick, it just doesn’t seem to translate into cyberspace.

The online dating experience is almost wholly antiseptic. Other than visual perception there is no other major sense used to, for lack of better words, enjoy and experience the other person.

Now, for those of you outside of the world of dating, let me remind you what is so exciting about it.

If you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship, recall the first time you felt a “click” with your mate.
The delightfully sickening flutter in your chest when you dared to make eye contact-remember it?
Maybe you can’t. Maybe that incredible moment is too far away for you.

Try this one:
Sitting next to them-anywhere-in the car, at a movie, family holidays. You could sense their presence and maybe feel the warmth coming from them. That was exciting. Maybe now it is comforting. Man, that is really a feeling to treasure. Count it among your blessings.

Going out and meeting someone is so exciting and sometimes it’s only exciting because you’re excited!
You exfoliate in the shower.
You don’t skimp on the lotion.
You shave….which is a big deal!
You take time on your hair and make sure your eyeliner is per-er-er-fect.
Basically, you smell fantastic no matter what perfume you put on, and I bet this is one of the most powerful effects for most of us, whether we realize it or not.

safeAll of those hugely insignificant “things” are missing from online dating.

If first impressions are important, then it’s beneficial that I can’t be seen sitting on my couch in my PJs, makeup smeared, finger in nose, fuzzy-legged, and generally less-than-fresh.

There’s no build-up. No anticipation. No preparation. No excitement.

It’s boring.

It’s safe.

And no one’s heart flutters when they feel safe.

After spending several years feeling like the self-proclaimed expert and heartiest advocate for online dating, today I realized I’m just really over it. Super. Duper. Over it. It’s barely even amusing anymore. I know that makes for really boring reading for all of you, and I do apologize for that. I just don’t feel I can continue to […]

“Is This The Real Life?”

Deep Thoughts | Getting Personal (aka a little TMI) | Online Dating No Comments

“Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
Because I’m easy come, easy go
A little high, little low
Anyway the wind blows, doesn’t really matter to me,”

seedI’ve had some really painful realizations this week. It’s kinda sucked, honestly.

For a long, LONG time I’ve been the gal that uses quotes to inspire others. In fact, all I really pin on Pinterest are serious or funny quotes or pictures. Who needs arts & crafts?!?!

Apparently, though, it’s time to use one of those quotes on myself: “If you keep doing what you’ve always done then you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.”

My personal life has begun to suck. Yep. I’m spending more time unhappy than happy, and that is just not who I am AND it doesn’t feel good at all. I’d say it’s increasingly challenging to maintain a spirit of hopefulness that anything in my life is going to change for the better, so it’s time to change some variables; conduct an experiment-because at this point, what have I got to lose??

I’m not even finding comfort in my standard “It’s all a part of the journey.” Nope. The “Peaks and Valleys” hype has completely worn off. I feel like I’m on a pretty steady coast to “blah-ville.” That town is super lonely.

So, God’s pruning me or whatever crap you want to tell me. I’ve been pruned before. You’d think that stuff was worse, but I feel far worse now than any miscarriage, spousal suicide-attempt, and divorce. It feels liberating and selfish all at once to admit that. I feel like I had a purpose or a path with those things. I pretty much feel like I’m just wandering right now.

I know, when a branch isn’t producing fruit it’s gotta get cut all the way down to regain production. Then you can harvest the fruit again. “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

timeI know, I know. Would I like some cheese with my “whine?” Whatevs. I bet I’m not the only who feels this way.

“What’re you gonna do about it then, Lisa?”

I’ve already started some things:
1) Online dating-gonna back way off on that. It is NOT doing me any good. Sorry that some of the humor will be lacking for a bit.

2) I’m going to a singles group at church. It’s not what I was was hoping for, but I want to stay involved so I can have a voice in making it better.

3) I’ve also been taking a course at the church to figure out how I can serve.
4) I’m hanging out with new people.

#4 is probably the most painful. I dearly love my friends, and they are incredible, but I can no longer expect them to be around when I need or want them. They have important lives. My single life and any of its trials no longer compares. I don’t rank. That hurts, but they have earned their lives and they deserve them. It’s not personal and I know that, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
I’m scared about hanging out with people who don’t know me. I mean, they know me, but they don’t know all the things I’ve been through till now.

wicked

A good friend pointed out that I will get to learn about them, too. That is an excellent point.

What if I suck at that? I sometimes try so hard to relate to people that I end up being the “Me, too!” girl.

Who knows? Maybe this’ll all be grand. Probably so, but being cut back so I can grow sure does hurt. If God just wanted to tell me the plan I would probably hop on board and go for it all “gangbusters.” Whatevs…again.

And so off I go….to do this learning or growing or whatever.
I always remember from swimming that when the water was too cold, and you just knew it was gonna hurt, that the best thing to do was cannonball into that sh*t.
Hopefully I’ll make a big splash.

“Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide No escape from reality Open your eyes Look up to the skies and see I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy Because I’m easy come, easy go A little high, little low Anyway the wind blows, doesn’t really matter to me,” I’ve had some really […]

Deer-ni-corn Killers and Testicle-Sharers Need Not Apply

Online Dating | Point and Laugh 1 Comment

grammarI’m sad to say my excitement over receiving a message on a dating site has dwindled from heart-fluttering hope for a romantic and loving relationship to groan-inducing curiosity.

Is using proper grammar and punctuation really so difficult?

Here’s what I “read” this morning (I use that verb loosely):

first thing i think it past my bed time. Wanted to say hey hi wants going on in your world. my day was great i hit a deer first thing this morining going to work i live in the country lol and deer like to get in the way at times. I dont have a pic i took it off trying to get something better up. my friends told me that it look stupid lol first one i posted was at a friends house with his star trek poster ps i am not a star trek fan lol. well any way i am a average guy looking for the special someone that is willing to take things slow. my friends put me up to get on this site. i dont get on here but like once a week look at me i am rammbling on or however u spell it lol.
it sounds like your a very interesting intellegant women.
maybe we can txt .
mmm choice is yours lol bye

Right. I hope you made it through that without a cerebral hemorrhage.

Now you’re gonna read it with my inner narrative. You’re Welcome.

first thing i think it past my bed time.So this should be a gem.
Wanted to say hey Go for it! hi hi wants going on in your world.How does he know? I do have “wants” in my world. I want a Sausage McMuffin. I want to go back to sleep. I want a preheated car. I want…wait a second. I don’t think that’s really what he meant.   my day was great Why am I still reading this? i hit a deer first thing this morining WTF? Why did that make for a “great” day? He probably told this to the wrong girl. I’ve been known to liken deer to unicorn. Yes. I think they’re magical. going to work i live in the country lol Which part of this is “laugh out loud” funny? The deer-ni-corn death or that you think I didn’t already know you lived in the country? and deer like to get in the way at times. Pesky deer. Always gallavanting across roads. They should have a designated place to cross the road that’s not in the way.  I dont have a pic But how will I know if you’re cute enough for me to send a reply? i took it off trying to get something better up. That’s what she said.  my friends told me that it look stupid They sound like good people. You should let them proofread your messages. lol first one i posted was at a friends house with his star trek poster Really? Which one? The original series, TNG, DS9, Voyager, or maybe the new movies? ps i am not a star trek fan lol. Well, crap. That appeared to be the one thing about which we might be able to converse.  well any way i am a average guy Oh sweetie. looking for the special someone that is willing to take things slow. I can’t even type what I’m thinking here.  my friends put me up to get on this site. Now I think maybe they’re cruel.  i dont get on here but like once a week look at me i am rammbling on or however u spell it lol. Wait, now you question how to spell something?
it sounds like your a very interesting intellegant women.   I can’t disagree. 2 points for excellent perception.
That brings your score up to -46.
maybe we can txt . Maybe we can use vowels, too?
mmm BOP! LOL for me!!! Oh, or are you eating something tasty? Is it a Sausage McMuffin? choice is yours lol bye My brain is bleeding.

I know I sound like a horrid b*tch. I’ll own that this one time. You try online dating for over 3 years and let me know if you don’t wind up jaded and cynical about finding your “happy ever after.”
This tone isn’t just the result of terribly crafted messages (albeit thoughtful), but also from all the curveballs (that was an unintentional pun, but it works…you’ll see), like this one from a seemingly highly suitable candidate:

The Most Private Thing I’m Willing to Admit
I “Manscape” weekly. OK that’s true and probably not abnormal these days. But I will admit that I’ve had a recurring cyst in my man region, left testicle that’s had 3 surgeries. In all likelihood, I will have the left testicle removed completely removed. Because of this, it causes weird testosterone fluctuations in my system and could impact my ability to have kids, though my doc says I should be fine with just one. If having kids is a BIG want in your life, I can’t say that I can accommodate in the future, and am not sure if I want kids anyway, meaning I would be ok having them if I was with someone who wanted them, but ok without having them either. It’s not a deal breaker to me one way or another.

nutsCall me old fashioned, but I think “manscaping” and possible testicular removal and talk of testosterone could wait till, at least, date 4 or 5. Perhaps he’s just trying to weed some ladies out-like all the 2-testicle preferring gals. Does he know he may have thrown himself into the fetish crowd?
Should I warn him?

I’ve been known to assert that our fine city has an epidemic of single ladies. I think the examples provided may be part of the cause.

Happy Hunting to us all.
Lisa

I’m sad to say my excitement over receiving a message on a dating site has dwindled from heart-fluttering hope for a romantic and loving relationship to groan-inducing curiosity. Is using proper grammar and punctuation really so difficult? Here’s what I “read” this morning (I use that verb loosely): first thing i think it past my […]

You Mean…That Wasn’t the Bottom?

Online Dating | Point and Laugh No Comments

Oh the monotony of being a divorced basement-dweller….
Welcome to my thoughts during the 5 o’clock hour of this lovely Saturday evening.
Enjoy!

Do I want to make dinner plans?

If yes, I gotta put my bra back on and get presentable. Ugh. But I have all this nothing to do down here on this couch and I just bought these two video games and I don’t wanna go outOUT but I wouldn’t mind seeing and being seen for a bit….OK…I’ll go out for dinner.

Wait…I forgot…my friends are married with kids and husbands and can’t just go out with me for pizza. The other single friends already have plans….jerks. (Not really. Kisses!)

Ok. Video Games, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Pinot Grigio for this gal!

What’s this? “Someone Chose You” says the dating site notification.

Yessssssssssss! Now for some excitement!!!!

Log in and check my visitors to see who “chose” me. I’m very choose-able! Look at those eyes! Look at my smile….dang it! So cute. I bet no one notices how giant my nose looks in that picture…

Oh! Well, hello there, sir. You seem handso….wait a second!

Flashback….10 years ago….21 years old. Running around with different groups of 21 year-old friends going to dance clubs in Westport…..

I remember you….and I remember that we called you “Druggie Joe*.”

Well, I am a 30-something year-old basement-dweller, so I guess 10 years can take people lots of places. Maybe things have changed…

Text to friend: Does that Joe* guy still do drugs? Maybe Joe Smith*?
The reply indicates there is talk of sobriety. I shall continue to check out his profile.
It seems ok. Capital letters, punctuation, well-formed thoughts….
Pictures? Hmm…still cute. Why isn’t he tooth-smiling in any of these pics? Did they rot out because of the drugs? That’s risky. Kissing could be pretty slobbery and…gummy.
Probably better just stay away from that….

Let’s look at another match:
Ohhh…handsome…proper age…well-written….WAIT
What?
“Able bodied need not apply…looking to date a disabled lady, preferably a wheelchair user..”
He’s not in a wheelchair. He even states he is able-bodied.

So much for having a leg-up on my competition…
Yes…I just said that.

Ok, so I’m gonna go back to my cereal, wine, and Resident Evil 6 now….

Sheesh.

How’s YOUR Saturday night?

*Some names have been changed to protect…stuff

Oh the monotony of being a divorced basement-dweller…. Welcome to my thoughts during the 5 o’clock hour of this lovely Saturday evening. Enjoy! Do I want to make dinner plans? If yes, I gotta put my bra back on and get presentable. Ugh. But I have all this nothing to do down here on this […]

The Dangler of Unspecified Origin: A True Tale of Actual Dating

Online Dating | Point and Laugh No Comments

Soooooo…
I met a guy for coffee this evening. 🙂
It went well. You get no more than that.

I thought I would share with you some of the weird thoughts that passed through my brain during this first meeting.

At some point, while sitting across from this incredibly handsome, outgoing, funny, clever man with Peyton Hillis-like arms something terrible happened. It happens in lots of situations, but for me, it couldn’t have been worse timing.

Here it is: I felt what I was sure was the teensiest fleck of dried snot (aka a booger) or dried skin tickling my nostril.

I know! I know! You’re thinking that it’s no big deal and I wanted to think that too, BUT I did a teensy little nose swipe to get rid of it and that only made it WORSE! Did I knock more booger particulates or dry skin loose? I don’t know, but suddenly it felt like a medium-sized moth was perching upside down from my left nostril.

All I could imagine was how this dangler of unspecified origin was flapping IN AND OUT with each breath I took so I HAD to take another little swipe.

Ok, I think I got it that time…

CrrrrrrrrrrrRAP!!!!!

He just swiped at his nose.

Have I accidentally subconsciously cued him into believing HE has a dangler?!?! Son of a motherless goat! What IF he is trying to tell ME that I DIDN’T get it and it is dangling even more precariously and flapping even more violently than before?!?!

This is AWFUL! Now I am sweating even more than I already was and I’m certain I’ve pitted out on my right side as I tend to do when I’m nervous or, well, alive…and oh God oh God oh God!

We continued this delicate nose-swipe dance through most of our 3 hours together; the paranoid diatribe rattling through my brain the whole time. Awesome.

Eventually I realized our venue was going to close and I needed to use the restroom which was conveniently located just over my left shoulder.
I already had to chuckle that I would be peeing mere feet from where this handsome gent and I were sharing a table, but as I shut the door to the dreaded “one-holer” it wouldn’t lock. I tried again, thinking I had absentmindedly tried to lock it before the door shut, causing it to unlock again.

No.

It.
Wouldn’t.
Lock.
I messed with it for a few more seconds, but he was sitting so closely I just knew he could see the door handle jiggling and hear my repeated pressing of the lock.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.

If I wasn’t careful I’d stress myself out enough that I actually had to crap, so I just needed to focus.

All I could imagine was me sitting, pants around my UNSHAVED calves, and some chick opening the door while I was midstream where the only option would be for me to make eye-contact with the guy sitting just outside the door.

Why me?!?! FML!!!

The door wasn’t even close enough for me to keep a hand on it in case it opened.

Efffff baaaaalllllsssss!

The only thing to do was pee as quickly as possible, so I took a deep breath and did my business. I only freaked out for one short moment, but got myself back on track.
I did what I think ANYONE would upon completing my mission and leapt from the toilet to a safe place across the bathroom.

I was safe.

After washing my hands I grabbed the non-locking door handle only to hear and feel the “snap” of it unlocking…

So it WAS locked…

Well, good…

booger

It was a nice evening that we plan to duplicate…with some modifications.Our time together was over not long after that.

I will attend to all nasal danglers before our next meeting.

Thank you and good night!

Lisa

Soooooo… I met a guy for coffee this evening. 🙂 It went well. You get no more than that. I thought I would share with you some of the weird thoughts that passed through my brain during this first meeting. At some point, while sitting across from this incredibly handsome, outgoing, funny, clever man with Peyton […]

It Finally Happened…

Online Dating No Comments

When you’ve been using online dating sites for a few years, as I have, you get some “repeaters.”

There’s the 45 year-old dude from Atchison who keeps “winking” at me…several times in the last 3 years. I am sure he is nice but that is quite the age difference.

There’s the 41 year-old fella who keeps asking me on very specific dates a month in advance…that’s not weird or anything…

We’ll talk about a different gent here, though. He’s in his early to mid 30s and the professional-type (aka the type my dad wants me to go for).
A few months ago he sent me some messages that never really amounted to much of a “conversation,” so I let it fade.
Several days ago he sent me another message after “winking” at me and it said “Hello. How are you?”
Typically, I don’t really answer those because they’re too generic, but I had a different perspective **Shared Below** presented to me about that the other day, so after a few days, I decided to reply.
We exchanged a few pleasantries, still he failed to really ask me anything about myself before he asked my plans for the weekend.
My reply:
Cleaning
Church
NYE Party
I told him those were in order of ascending excitement.

His reply was that cleaning was better than church.
Well, after a few rounds of polite and witty (mostly on my part) disagreeing he finally asked the question I had wondered about myself for the last 15 months:

“Do you date guys who don’t believe in God?”

My reply:

I had to think about this a while… I used to be married to a guy who would say he was an atheist and that he was angry with God. Well, ya can’t be angry with and not believe in God at the same time. That’s contradictory.

bring me to churchIt took me 31 years to cross the line of faith, and I know I won’t go back. I’m no Bible-thumper; in fact, most of the Bible drives me bonkers..well, the parts I know of and the way people use it to defend and justify their bigotry…that is what bothers me.

So, do I date guys who don’t believe in God? I haven’t since I came to believe last year, so I don’t know.

I do know I couldn’t date someone who tried to talk me out of what I believe or who thinks I’m stupid for believing it…and also the guy would have to handle that I want to talk about God and the Jebus and all the things I learn or disagree with or think about it all…and that it is really exciting for me to talk about. I get pretty passionate about the subject.

So, do you date chicks who dig Jesus (and most other incredible things life has to offer)?
His reply:

well God isn’t real. I am not into trying to change anyone beliefs because it is futile. At the same time I cannot talk about something that has absolutely no meaning to me at all. I would love to be with someone regardless of there faith. because to me it is of no value. I could never be excited to hear anything you would have to say about something that I am not into.

My reply:

Well, I s’pose that’s that.

I wish you the best. 🙂

Happy New Year!
Lisa
I haven’t heard anything in response, although I can’t imagine there is anything more to say…

At least for me I now know where I stand when it comes to that question. I think I could date someone who was agnostic because I was agnostic before last year. There’s potential there…

**That other perspective mentioned earlier**
Ok, so I used to be annoyed when guys would just send a super generic message like:
“Hey. How are you?”
It didn’t show any kind of specific interest or creativity or wit or brains…or anything, really…you get the point.
I was reading a guy’s profile the other day and he said something along the lines of this:
“Ladies, if you get a message saying hello and asking how you are doing, then don’t be afraid to respond. If we were in a bar or other public venue and I just walked up to you and started talking, then asked very specific questions, you’d probably think that was weird. I just like to start with the basics; especially considering how many females don’t respond to messages at all.”

First, I said what that guy was trying to say about 10 times better than he said it. Haha!
Second, I thought he had a really good point….
Maybe this will bump up some of my stats….

We shall see…
I still ain’t answering messages that start and end with:

Can u touch ur toes?

Happy New Year, everyone!
Take care and be safe!
Lisa

When you’ve been using online dating sites for a few years, as I have, you get some “repeaters.” There’s the 45 year-old dude from Atchison who keeps “winking” at me…several times in the last 3 years. I am sure he is nice but that is quite the age difference. There’s the 41 year-old fella who keeps […]

“Nice Guys Finish Last” or Should it be….

Online Dating No Comments
worst“Fat Girls Finish Last”
I really really believe I should be a consultant for online dating sites. I don’t mean that I should be telling people how to get dates…nope…clearly I have next to NO expertise there. Rather, I feel people who construct dating sites should talk to me about how they are matching their clients.

As I talk with my friends about our online dating experiences it seems there is one thing most of us unfortunately agree upon: appearance does matter. It seems obvious that some kind of attraction to your match should be desirable, but what throws it off, what really and truly screws us, is our personal perceptions and the semantics with body-type descriptions.

Here are examples of the body-types you can select for yourself or a potential mate on the two sites I currently use:

  • Slim/Thin/Slendernotsize2
  • About Average
  • Fit/Athletic and Toned
  • Curvy
  • Jacked
  • Full-Figured
  • Used Up
  • Overweight
  • A Little Extra
  • A Few Extra Pounds
  • Stocky

Not all of them are available on both sites, but those are the general labels available on either or both of them.

On both sites these selections are gender-neutral. I think that should be changed.
I just don’t know many females who would label themselves “stocky.”

That may not be an issue for those unfamiliar with online dating, but let me tell you why you’re wrong. 🙂

peachOn some sites, users can select which body type(s) with which they’d like to be matched. Many times I have come across a guy who has selected “Stocky” for his potential match preference, but not “Curvy.”

One site sends me about 9 matches every day or two. The first items I read for any matches are their basic stats: Age, Location, Faith, Kids, Body Type, etc. As soon as the body type describes them as “Athletic and Toned” I will not read anything else they have written UNTIL I go check what body type(s) they have indicated as preferences. MOST of the time, those guys, whom the fancy computer system has chosen specifically for ME, have NOT selected anything other than “Slender, Athletic and Toned, or About Average” as their preferred body types. How on EARTH are they a MATCH for me….???Full disclosure here: I chose “Curvy” to describe myself, so that one personally irritates me.

Well, guess what…I ain’t gonna read anything he wrote because he doesn’t wanna date fatties like me. I don’t want to read about how great you are and how much you love your family and how much we have in common and get all kinds of excited about how incredible you seem just to find out that I’ve got too much for you to hold onto.

Some guys, who may not select any body type, might put something in their profile saying they desire “someone who takes care of herself.” That’s pretty vague, but since I don’t exercise regularly I assume that doesn’t apply to me and stop reading those profiles as well.

And yet there are still more fellas who just flat-out proclaim “No Fatties Please.” Well, at least they’re upfront about it, even if they arenothing wrong douchenozzles.

I don’t really have a witty or deep conclusion here…sorry.

I suppose the conclusion is that we just don’t live in a world where we are free of judgments based on appearances-not just evaluations of others, but even ourselves.

Those self-evaluations are usually far more harsh than anything anyone else would have to say about each of us.

That’s unfortunate.

“Fat Girls Finish Last” I really really believe I should be a consultant for online dating sites. I don’t mean that I should be telling people how to get dates…nope…clearly I have next to NO expertise there. Rather, I feel people who construct dating sites should talk to me about how they are matching their […]