So it Doesn’t Refer to Extra Skin on Your Arm?

Point and Laugh No Comments

Once, when I was a little girl, I had been playing in my Grama Hayden’s back yard with my friends. Well, Grama called me inside and we were talking and I told her “We’re playing like I got raped.”

My Grama was clearly a poker player (probably not really) because she didn’t even flinch and just asked “Oh, and what does that negative IQmean?”

So I told her it means you get stabbed “like this” and I shoved my hand between my arm and chest (like in my armpit a la the Molly Shannon Catholic Girl character). I’m certain she did not correct me because I was under 10 years old, but looking back I think she handled it like a pro!

A handful of years later I was in Key Largo, Florida with my parents and brother. It was the year Prince released “Gett Off” as a single. I am a fan of Prince, but I know that I was about 10 years old when that song came out, and it is COMPLETELY inappropriate for a 10 year-old. Anyway, 10 year-old clueless Lisa was walking around this really nice resort with her older brother while repeatedly singing (in a deep bass voice) the one line from the song that was stuck in her head “Twenty-Two positions in a One Night Stand.”
I remember my brother eventually saying to me “Stop singing that. You don’t even know what you’re saying.”

He was right.

And I am retroactively embarrassed for my pre-adolescent self.

So that brings us to tonight.  My friend, Jen, came over to borrow a crock-pot. She is highly allergic to kitties, so she couldn’t come in, but I asked if she wanted to sit outside and have a beer. As we sat in the back of my mom’s SUV we mused at how our lives were so wonderfully on track (30-somethings, unmarried, living at home…you get the point), I began to imitate the harmonica part of a song that was stuck in my head. Apparently I should not try to make a career out of impersonating a harmonica because Jen could not recognize the tune or even that I was making harmonica sounds. This led me to pretend to play lots of other instruments like the bass, trombone, drums, trumpet, and a flute.

straw violinI said “My mom plays the flute.”
Jen: “She does?”
Me: “Yep. In the Hallmark band. So I know the flute parts to every Christmas and patriotic song. They have a patriotic concert later this month. You should come.”
Jen: “They play concerts?”
Me: “Yep. They even have a Christmas concert and Santa comes. It’s a big deal.”
Jen: “Does Santa play an instrument?”
Me: “Nope. Well maybe the skin flute.”

Jen laughed and I said “I don’t even know what that means. Isn’t it like extra skin on your arm or something?”

And this is the moment Jen began to laugh so hard she was crying and couldn’t breathe. I joined in because she was laughing so hard and that is contagious.

Through my laugh-tears (see what I did there?) I said “So that’s not what it means?”

And she laughed harder.

Eventually she told me what it actually means. (You can go to Urban Dictionary and look it up. I’d suggest you DO NOT Google it)

Oops.

Not only did I sully Santa’s sweet image, I fear I may have also used this phrase over the years at highly inappropriate times (at school/work or church or in mixed company).

I can’t be sure of it, but please consider this my apology if I have ever used that phrase in your presence.

I’m sorry.

And I hope you had a good laugh from reading this.

<3 Lisa

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