One is the Loneliest Number….

Getting Personal (aka a little TMI) No Comments

aloneThis is a hard thing to write about. It feels shameful. It’s a word, that when you get asked if you feel it or described with it you feel terrible. You feel pitiful and gross and wholly judged.

Lonely.

It’s hard to admit this because although I am lonely I am also happy.

I have felt pressure within myself not to admit that I’m lonely because I have so many genuine friends and kind acquaintances and because I am so involved at my church.

When I went to sit down at church today I had no one to sit with. I was in an entire row that was empty for the first 1/2 of the service. I knew someone in every row in front of or behind me, but there wasn’t a seat for me next to anyone I knew.

That’s not anyone’s fault. I know so many great people at my church. In fact, it often gives me goosebumps that I know so many incredible people who are so loved by God and show His love to others — I still sometimes think I’ve tricked everyone into thinking I’m cool or something. Ha! Me? Cool? Noooooo.

I wonder if this is the plight of the single woman or the divorced woman…

To feel so deeply the lack of someone to sit with; someone to wonder about your day; someone with whom to have physical contact.space

Does anyone else feel this way? Like you’re an A-hole for not just being simply grateful for all the wonderful people in your life? Like you’re not allowed to admit that you’re lonely because that would be admitting weakness or admitting that sometimes you’re sad about being alone no matter how surrounded you are by people?

It certainly doesn’t help that everyone calls me a cat lady because of my one cat that I’ve had for 11 years.

Lonely + Cat Lady = Disgusting

Anyway, that’s really all I had to say. And I’m saying it because I bet there’s someone else out there who feels this way and feels like they can’t acknowledge it; at least not to anyone but him or herself.

When I typed “Lonely” up there (and again when I typed it just now) I actually mis-typed it. Both times I typed this word:

Lovely.

I’m that word, too.

And so are you.

<3,

Lisa

move back

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