No Third Date=No Kids=???

Deep Thoughts | Online Dating No Comments

Well friends, the answer is “no.”imaginary

No. There will not be a third date.

Those of you privy to my Facebook postings may have been aware that there were 2 dates. The fact that I even let anyone know about it beyond my parents and KT means I was excited and hopeful in the real potential of the guy.

When I asked about a third date I was told, in a spirit of “honesty,” that he was still talking to other women, but was not a player. He had quite enjoyed my company and was certainly open to another outing.

Sadly, I can only presume I was not as enticing as his other options. If we get past the strange choice to tell me he was still talking to other women (I could have assumed this as it was only 2 dates and I was certainly not proposing) then we can tear apart his less than enthusiastic response.

BUT

I just don’t want to.

Yeah. There’s a multitude of responses he could have given, and I certainly don’t know everything about him that influenced this response, but I do know I was doing most of the pursuing after date number 2, so it seemed his interest was fading, or at least paling in comparison to his other “women.” (That was mostly a joke).

Either way, this led me to having another conversation with my BFF Snorrie a few days later.

opinion not realityBecause I had so much hope in the potential of the 2-and-out fella, I did allow myself to dream a little bit about fitting in with my friends again. Since that hasn’t quite come to fruition, and because of some other unresolved conflict in my life, it led me to a revelation.

As a single person (and I know I am not alone here) there is a fair amount of judgment about the life you lead. A word often used or at least hinted at is “selfish.”

Now, hardly anyone would come right out and say to a person as sweet as I am that I was living selfishly. No, instead, what gets said are things like “I’m a mom/dad now. I don’t have time for things like that. My kids are my priority.”

Wow. I’m really sorry I couldn’t carry that baby I lost to full-term so that I could have the “right” priorities. (I don’t say that because I wouldn’t want anyone to know just how bad they make me feel with those comments because I am certain that is not the intent of their words)

For me, my life-plan got derailed and I have made some effing fantastic pink lemonade out of those lemons (along with Jesus. Mad props to Him).without asking

I don’t have a kid to throw a birthday party for so when I have a birthday party for myself, well, it’s purely a reason to get my friends and family together and laugh and have good times. I could embrace my stereotype and have a birthday party for my cat, but it would still be an excuse to get my most treasured people together.

If I had a kid to throw a birthday party for, or to invite you to their Christmas concert, or kindergarten graduation, I would do it.

I don’t. I just have me (and a kitty).

At this point Snorrie said “I never thought about it like that.” That’s just one reason why I love her; she’s got mad empathy skills.

And while we’re on it, people who don’t have kids don’t cease to be worthy of love and happiness. There are lots of reasons people don’t get married or don’t have kids. Jesus loves them, too. 🙂

During a message at church this summer our pastor was sharing that loneliness and isolation are some of the greatest factors leading to depression and holovedpelessness. At that point, Snorrie reached her arms around my shoulders, squeezed, and told me she loved me. I made a funny face at her because I am not good with people seeing my truth sometimes. I don’t think I’m depressed nor am I hopeless; but dog-gone-it, I am certainly lonely at times and can feel very isolated with my “skewed” priorities.

I love you guys. I love your kids.

You don’t have to love my cat, but please remember to love me (yep, practically begging). If anything, I’m the girl who will be infinitely available for your phone call when you need me.

And if you don’t know me, then reach out to your “non-child-bearing” friends. They miss you. You miss them.

Do it. Now.

<3,
Lisa

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