Twoo Wuv

Deep Thoughts | Online Dating No Comments

storming the castleTonight I deleted my OkCupid! dating profile.

It was a long overdue move.

I have been accused of not trying hard enough. I have been accused of trying too hard.

I have been told it will happen when I least expect it. I have been told to stop looking for it.

I have been told all of that by people who can’t relate to 99% of my “journey” or by people who have forgotten what it’s like to want something so much that even when you aren’t consciously and actively searching for “it” the desire is still a glowing ember inside of you that won’t be stifled no matter how much you ignore it.

I have been told to trust God. I have trusted God and I still do trust that God will make all things work together for my good.

Believe it or not, there is actually a LOT of stuff I don’t share on Facebook. Some people won’t believe that, and it’s ok. Those closest to me know how much I leave off even though I am accused of “posting too much” or “sharing everything.”

I think people say those things to discourage me from being…well, from being me.

For the most part, what you see is what you get with me. I don’t try to hide or put on a front unless it is for safety around people who have demonstrated I cannot trust them.

I didn’t share a couple of the precipitating events from the week, but I will here, because it is important to me that people understand how much their commentary offers no merit to the exile that is being single/divorced and almost 33.

Last week (the great snowcation of 2014) I was messaging with several guys who were polite and it was nice. A girl actually contacted me and guided me to her male friend from church who was on the site, and we have maintained some email contact over the last week or so. He’s handsome and polite and resembles my best friend’s husband…that’s not weird (and he has the same name).

proctologistAnother guy had sent me several messages on the site over the last few years, but I was never interested. Last week I decided to reply to the newest message he’d sent citing the “Try something different than the usual” mentality.

After a few messages back and forth we exchanged phone numbers. We realized we had a few mutual friends and texted about that before he asked if I wanted to talk (you know…old fashioned-like). It was after 10pm and I was not feeling well. I explained that and said I was going to bed. He acknowledged that, and then called anyway. Strike 2 (He already had a pre-existing strike from the years I spent NOT being interested). At first, I thought the conversation was going fine, but after 15 minutes I was done. The entire conversation (at least 75 minutes) was spent with him name-dropping every celebrity from Gary Lezak to Steven Curtis Chapman. He made several sexual jokes to which I did not respond, and when he stated “You must not have heard that” after I didn’t laugh I replied, “Yes. I did.” I think he even had himself convinced I was moving in with him by the end of the conversation. When I made the comment that I didn’t see myself staying the night at his house just to sleep in before heading to work he asked “You’re not like ‘super-religious’ are you?”

No, man. I’m just not willing to sign over my heart and body to you after 3 OkCupid messages, 4 texts, and an annoyingly-long phone call.

I hope he hadn’t gotten my face tattooed on his bicep during that call. That could be painful to remove.

Really this descent into douche-baggery has been going on since 2014 started. I went on a lunch date with a really nice guy who closely resembled The Rock, and he is the only exception to this trend. (Shout out to T/K if you’re still out there)

On 2/10 this message exchange took place:
His profile stated he was a doctor. He was handsome and a Christian…and he could spell. It was all going well until…

nerdyhugeboobsKcTexan’s account has now been disabled. *shrugs*

The Facebook strand on that message was pretty hilarious from my friends and family.

God bless all of you for being in my life and keeping me laughing.

Then, today, this message exchange happened:cutepaunchy

When I received the very first message I looked up “paunchy” to be sure it meant what I thought it meant: “Having a round belly.”

It did.

BUT! while I was googling an option appeared for the “Shakespearian” definition, so thinking maybe that could be more romantic I selected it: “Pot-Bellied.”

What I didn’t post on Facebook was his last reply, so here ya go:

cpoffendedI guess I missed the part where he asked for forgiveness. Either way, he has the Lord’s forgiveness so he doesn’t need mine, but he can have it. He’s not gonna leave a lasting impression on me.

Most of this wouldn’t have irked me as much as it did if it weren’t paired with finding a random pic of the ex-husband and his girlfriend (I assume) with a caption saying something like “I’m so in love with Mr. Wonderful.” *gag*

Let me be clear: I do not begrudge anyone of finding love; not even the ex-husband. Although my experience with him was not grand I do hope he finds love with someone….

I’m just self-centeredly pissed off that I don’t get to be in love because I deserve it more.

Yes. It is lonely up here on my high horse….sitting out on the desolate exile island…in the middle of the abandoned ocean.

So, there you have it. I’ll disable the E-harmony account next. It’s the most expensive and the most worthless for me. It may work for others, but not this gal.

For the record, I would still recommend OkCupid! for those new to online dating or looking for a free site to try. I explained in my breakup letter to the site that “It’s not you. It’s me.”

I hope they take it well.

sought the lord

 

It’s me and God now, I suppose. The goal is always to know Him more. Maybe that’s the point of all of this.

I’ve wondered this lately:
If I got everything I wanted (love, job, family, etc) would I still praise God? Would I still seek Him?

I don’t know. I’d like to think I would.

In the meantime, I’ll just go ahead and praise and seek Him now.

<3

Lisa

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