What NOT to Say…

Online Dating No Comments

My good friend, Justin (who I call Hustino in my head…now he knows), sometimes expresses frustration with dating sites. Specifically, he doesn’t understand why women don’t respond when he takes the time to compose a thoughtfully crafted message.

I have a hard time explaining it to him because I am guilty of not replying to those types of messages myself.

There are two pretty specific reasons why I don’t respond:

1) I peruse the guy’s profile and find several things within it that are questionable:

Exhibit A:
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I realize what you see here doesn’t seem so bad; just poor grammar. Posting something like this causes people to give me so much grief.

So, in my defense, please see

Exhibit B:

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Oh, yes. He wants a love like Twilight. So, just no. I didn’t screenshot it, but the rest of his profile continues for PARAGRAPHS with extremely precise detail of what he would do during “our” first sexual encounter. I think he might have seen a different version of the Twilight movies; perhaps one he picked up in a shop through a doorway covered by a black curtain.

Another thing I often see on a profile that will immediately rule out a reply to a thoughtful message is when a guy talks about how much he loves his kids and not too long after that talks about how much he loves sex. Just….ew.

2) The other defense I have is this, Hustino, once I wade through the types of messages you’ll see below, some wonderfully grammatically correct…some not, it takes a great deal of hope, faith, and plain old energy to overlook something you see on a profile that might not quite click with what you want.
I now present Exhibits C through R:

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Please define “facially attractive.” Also, please mail me the decoder ring for the rest of your message.

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Look! I replied and he still didn’t take the hint.

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Yes, I was just thinking this seemed like a movie. How did he know that???

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I definitely reported this guy. I don’t think Katie has ever been mistaken for a white girl before…

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Impregnating?? I’ll alert my parents! They will be so excited. Nevermind that I narrowly escaped being impregnated by an “emotionally unstable” ex-husband. Psssh tosh! Technically, I didn’t escape it now that I think about it, but it’s never really helpful to think about it.

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Oh, this guy. I let him know I didn’t just want to be his FWB (friends with benefits) so he thought he would try for Katie. She sure gets a lot of attention on MY dating profile. :p

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But not spell check…

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Grammatically great….However, I think you should reevaluate ending your message with that question, sir.

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Nothing wrong with whaaaa? Not only are you referring to me as an older chick, you are also mistyping it. I have a feeling this is n’t your best effort.

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Just FYI, I’ve received this message no less than 5 times. I replied once in a very kind way, but it hasn’t stopped them. I told him I had enough competition with all the wonderful ladies in the world and wouldn’t want to have the male population to contend with also. 🙂

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Are you proposing to be that guy, sir?

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Thanks for the info???…

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WTH? I don’t say anything about being previously married or divorced in my profile. I must give off a vibe…or this guy is a douche bag. I’m going with that.

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Uhhh….

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I’m not even sure what there is to respond to, here…Like how interested? On a scale of “u” to “you?”

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Clearly I was on to this guy’s plan….

desert

I don’t have a great conclusion here. All I know is that after wading through all the BS you see here, which is really just the tip of the iceberg, it takes a lot to garner a reply. Even when I reply with a polite “no, thanks” (essentially), it usually goes wrong.

The best advice: don’t take it personally. It’s most definitely THEM and not you. They’re doing you a favor. 🙂

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