What NOT to Say…

Online Dating No Comments

My good friend, Justin (who I call Hustino in my head…now he knows), sometimes expresses frustration with dating sites. Specifically, he doesn’t understand why women don’t respond when he takes the time to compose a thoughtfully crafted message.

I have a hard time explaining it to him because I am guilty of not replying to those types of messages myself.

There are two pretty specific reasons why I don’t respond:

1) I peruse the guy’s profile and find several things within it that are questionable:

Exhibit A:

I realize what you see here doesn’t seem so bad; just poor grammar. Posting something like this causes people to give me so much grief.

So, in my defense, please see

Exhibit B:


Oh, yes. He wants a love like Twilight. So, just no. I didn’t screenshot it, but the rest of his profile continues for PARAGRAPHS with extremely precise detail of what he would do during “our” first sexual encounter. I think he might have seen a different version of the Twilight movies; perhaps one he picked up in a shop through a doorway covered by a black curtain.

Another thing I often see on a profile that will immediately rule out a reply to a thoughtful message is when a guy talks about how much he loves his kids and not too long after that talks about how much he loves sex. Just….ew.

2) The other defense I have is this, Hustino, once I wade through the types of messages you’ll see below, some wonderfully grammatically correct…some not, it takes a great deal of hope, faith, and plain old energy to overlook something you see on a profile that might not quite click with what you want.
I now present Exhibits C through R:

Please define “facially attractive.” Also, please mail me the decoder ring for the rest of your message.

Look! I replied and he still didn’t take the hint.

Yes, I was just thinking this seemed like a movie. How did he know that???

I definitely reported this guy. I don’t think Katie has ever been mistaken for a white girl before…

Impregnating?? I’ll alert my parents! They will be so excited. Nevermind that I narrowly escaped being impregnated by an “emotionally unstable” ex-husband. Psssh tosh! Technically, I didn’t escape it now that I think about it, but it’s never really helpful to think about it.

Oh, this guy. I let him know I didn’t just want to be his FWB (friends with benefits) so he thought he would try for Katie. She sure gets a lot of attention on MY dating profile. :p

But not spell check…

Grammatically great….However, I think you should reevaluate ending your message with that question, sir.

Nothing wrong with whaaaa? Not only are you referring to me as an older chick, you are also mistyping it. I have a feeling this is n’t your best effort.

Just FYI, I’ve received this message no less than 5 times. I replied once in a very kind way, but it hasn’t stopped them. I told him I had enough competition with all the wonderful ladies in the world and wouldn’t want to have the male population to contend with also. 🙂

Are you proposing to be that guy, sir?

Thanks for the info???…

WTH? I don’t say anything about being previously married or divorced in my profile. I must give off a vibe…or this guy is a douche bag. I’m going with that.


I’m not even sure what there is to respond to, here…Like how interested? On a scale of “u” to “you?”

Clearly I was on to this guy’s plan….


I don’t have a great conclusion here. All I know is that after wading through all the BS you see here, which is really just the tip of the iceberg, it takes a lot to garner a reply. Even when I reply with a polite “no, thanks” (essentially), it usually goes wrong.

The best advice: don’t take it personally. It’s most definitely THEM and not you. They’re doing you a favor. 🙂

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